Tag: God

Looking for Self-Worth on a Wall?

Two walls stand in my home.

One wall is a reflection of who I am.

A sage-green wall covered with framed photographs of my family, frozen in time. Scattered among the living are snapshots of deceased ancestors from whence I came. They stare back at me with stern, sepia-colored faces. Next to these are plaques commending military service, certificates of appreciation, contests won.

Commonly known as an “I love Me Wall,” is it a showcase of my life? Or a subliminal need to affirm self-worth? No different than hanging children’s elementary artwork on the refrigerator.

See what I’ve done!

The other wall is a reminder of whose I am.

Where hangs unframed reproductions of two paintings: The Prodigal Son by Rembrandt, and Jesus Washing Peter’s Feet by Ford Madox Brown.

Bible passages captured on canvas ages ago with brushstrokes of oil paint. These art works were gifts, reminders of God’s love and mercy towards me.

See what GOD has done! And doing still…..

Why look for my worth in “things” represented on the “love me” wall?

When the ONE in whom I find my worth is revealed in the scripture behind these paintings.

A ragged, wretched son kneels in repentance at His father’s feet after squandering his inheritance. In his father’s welcoming arms, he receives forgiveness while the older brother watches in contempt.

 “I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son…’

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:19, 20)

Head bowed, Jesus is on his knees washing the dusty, calloused feet of Simon Peter while the apostles watch in disbelief.

“Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel…And so He came to Simon Peter who said to Him, ‘Lord, do You wash my feet?’… Jesus answered him, ‘If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.’” (John 13:5-8)

Do likewise, He challenges the apostles. “Love one another as I have loved you.”

Two walls stand in my home.

One wall focuses on me.

The other wall points to the Lord.

The only ONE who is worthy to be praised.

Do I Only Have Eyes for You?

IMG_6091Holding hands, my daughter and her fiancé stood on the church altar, gazing into each other’s eyes. Their radiant smiles and misty eyes were contagious. As the mother of the bride, I counted the poinsettias that alternated with the tea lights to keep from sobbing with joy.

Clinging to my husband’s hand, I listened as they exchanged wedding vows and made a covenant before God “to have and to hold from this day forth, in sickness and in health…”

I watched as they each took a candle, the same ones the groom’s mother and I had lit earlier, and allowed the two flames to become one on their own candle to signify the unity of their lives.

When the pastor pronounced them “husband and wife” not only were they legally married, they entered into a new relationship that redefined them.

Suddenly, I also had new relationships, a new identity. The groom was now my son-in-law which made me a~~mother-in-love! And two separate genealogies were grafted into one family tree.

Since the wedding, my daughter legally, eagerly, changed her last name to be the same as her Beloved. As the two of them resolve to become one, and identify with each other’s needs, there has been a merging of bank accounts, power of attorney, and dreams. There’s no demand for entitlement, no fear, only love as they travel the same path, together, into tomorrow.

That love and commitment exists between my husband of 33 years and me. Can I say the same for my relationship with God?

Andrew Murray wrote, “The three Persons in the Godhead are the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit—each one is different from the others. God desires to reveal Himself as a person…and we are called to enter into fellowship with Him.

 God greatly desires this relationship with us, but sin has come between us and our God. Even in Christians who know God, there is often great ignorance and even indifference to this personal relationship of love to God.

People believe that at conversion their sins are forgiven, that God accepts them so that they may go to heaven. They do not realize that, even as a father and his child on earth enjoy being together, so they must have this intimate fellowship with God each day.”    

No demands, no fear.

Enjoying His presence, and resting on His deep, tender love to us even in this moment.

Why a Mammogram?

House phone rings while I’m on the couch in my living room, sipping coffee, and reading my Bible. I allow the message machine to answer.

“Hello, Karen. This is Patty from the Women’s Imaging Center. Please call our office. We need to schedule another mammogram.”

My pulse quickens.

Another? What’s wrong with the mammogram I had two days ago?

I walk to the kitchen and replay the message.

It’s probably nothing, but then again…

There’s a reason October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Pink memorabilia such as t-shirts, water bottles, and bandannas are on sale in retail stores. And every grocery store transaction affords me the opportunity to donate dollars towards “Hope for a Cure.”

More than once this month, I gave money in memory of two friends who died from breast cancer, and one who survived.

Because I witnessed their battle for life, I refuse to gamble with my health. Each year, I have a mammogram. I’d rather give blood than have my breasts flattened like pancakes, but early detection increases survival.  

Last week, I went for my annual mammogram. I joked with the technologist; asked for an 8 x 10 copy while she placed my breast on a platform and lowered another platform from above, until there was enough compression to make my eyes bulge. As the digital image of my breast was taken, she told me, “Hold your breath.”

Part of me always fails to breathe again until my test results come back normal.

Even now, as I dial the Imaging Center, I have to remind myself to breathe deep. Ignore the warm tingling on the back of my neck.

Patty is just the messenger. There’s empathy in her voice, but no explanation as she schedules another mammogram.

“Have a nice weekend,” she says, before hanging up.

Sure thing.

I slump on the couch, swallow lukewarm coffee, hoping to drown the worst-case scenarios percolating in my head.

My Bible is open to Psalm 121, the place I paused when the phone rang. “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.”  

I lift up my eyes as I touch my right breast; the one in question.

And wait between today’s imaginary what ifs and the reality of next week’s test results.

Assured that even in this circumstance, God knows, He is my help ….

Even when “what ifs” happen.