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Have You Made Up Your Mind?

I bury the sautéed spinach in the scrambled eggs—my attempt to disguise a healthy vegetable. My 20-month-old grandson isn’t fooled. He pulls out a slimy green leaf and tosses it aside.

I try a different method. 

“Grandma loves eggs. Can I have some?”

I pretend to eat some of his spinach omelet. Then I lift the spoon to his lips. He shakes his head, lips pressed together. 

Critter made up his mind. He knows what he likes (scrambled eggs) and what he presumes he doesn’t like (spinach). Today, I’m powerless to convince him otherwise.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Which got me to thinking—

Is there something I dislike or don’t want to do simply because I’ve made up my mind to do so?

If so, have I made up my mind based on my research and personal experience? Or, do my emotions and preconceived notions govern my decision?

For instance, I’ve made up my mind that I’ll never sky dive. There’s nothing anyone can say that will persuade me to jump from a plane. But, I’ve also made up my mind in areas that are less daring.

That person I avoid at work because . . . I know I won’t like her even though I never took the time to get acquainted.

That new hair salon that I won’t go to because . . . I’m a creature of habit.

Tofu because . . . who eats that stuff? Just Kidding!

Maybe that thing we think we’d dislike is an activity or event: participating in a fundraiser, attending a marriage retreat, joining a gym. Heaven help us if we try something new. Something that might benefit us—like spinach.

I met a young mom named Claire who felt isolated and struggled with depression. She said, “I’m stuck at home with a demanding toddler and a husband who works long hours. My closest friend moved away.”

“Have you thought of getting plugged into a church?” I asked. “Or joining a women’s Bible study. You could meet other like-minded moms.” 

I told Claire that having women friends and developing a deeper relationship with God preserved my sanity at her age. It still does.

She shook her head. “No thanks.”

Claire had made up her mind that church fellowship and Bible study weren’t the answers. In her mind, how could she make friends or study her Bible when she didn’t have the mental or emotional energy? How could she make time for God and pray when she had no time for herself?

I empathize with Claire. But I recognize that her fatigue and volatile emotions govern her mind right now. Unless her need for positive change outweighs her complacency for status quo, I doubt I’ll change her mind.

What say you?

Can you think of someone or something that might be good for you, but you’ve made up your mind that’s not happening?

Have you ever questioned why you think the way you do? And then asked, “Is this true?”

What keeps you from changing your mind?

How To Ruin a Bad Mood

I’m in a bad mood. 

Just when I thought 2020 couldn’t get worse—the entire west coast became an inferno. My flammable neighborhood is within spitting distance of some of these wildfires. And the smoke is so horrendous that I’ve developed a smoker’s cough.

I’m not alone in this.

Some of my friends had to evacuate their homes. Others fear for the safety of their loved ones who are firefighters. School kids stuck at home, due to the pandemic, are now stuck indoors due to the poor air quality.

People who grumbled about wearing masks in public, now wear masks outdoors so they can breathe. Even restaurant owners can’t get a break. Customers have to dine outside, but who wants to eat in the smokey section?

So yeah, I’m in a bad mood.  

When COVID-19 entered the world and rocked my personal axis, I considered myself a patient soul, but … my patience is treading thin ice.

Living in uncertain times (indefinitely) is difficult even when we try to be patient, grateful, eternal minded.

I’m also tired.

Tired of encouraging others to keep “a stiff upper lip” while I mask my sulky expression.

Tired of people glaring at me over their masks and standing six feet away like I’m a leper. 

I could shake this bad mood if I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or, know for sure there’s an end to this tunnel. And I don’t mean heaven.

Even so, I asked God to use the events of 2020 to teach and change me for the better. I didn’t expect Him to reveal the dross inside of me. There’s nothing pretty about it. And yet, if I want to be more Christlike, I need the Refiner’s fire to purge the worthless rubbish.  

“Take away the dross from the silver, And there comes out a vessel for the smith” (Proverbs 25:4).

I’d rather God purify my heart with a cooler method, but dross removal takes heat.

“Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction” (Isaiah 48:10).

My mentor, Loretta, describes how she endured the furnace of affliction when four of her family members died in a twelve-month span.

“I hated the night. Dark thoughts and death consumed my mind. When morning came, I had no energy or desire to get out of bed. I’d stick my leg out of the covers and say, ‘Father, I can’t. Help me! That’s when I learned that when I can’t, He can. God’s strength is perfected in weakness. God enabled me to get out of bed and get on with my day.” 

Loretta Chalfant

When I consider what Loretta endured (and how people are suffering now) I’m challenged once again to follow her advice,

“I get to choose, like Job, how to respond to my circumstances. I can either bend and let God work in my life and change me. Or I can resist and lose out on His lessons.” 

Time for me to surrender what I can’t control and bend so God’s refining fire can work . . . even in this bad-mood day.

You can read how Loretta learned these faith lessons in my book Lunch with Loretta: Discover the Power of a Mentoring Friendship.

Photo: Karen Foster

Are You Hungry for God?

I’ve written a nonfiction narrative called Lunch with Loretta: Discover the Power of a Mentoring Friendship. This is not a how-to mentor book. Rather it’s the warm re-telling of the lunch conversations between my mentor, Loretta Chalfant, and myself as we explored a deeper relationship with God.

Some of our conversations concern seeking God, how to cope with adversity and pain, owning God’s love, spiritual indifference, how to pray for our loved ones, and worshipping the Lord with a full heart. Pull up a chair and listen to our conversations that are sometimes humorous, sometimes messy, but always transparent.

Click here to pre-order Kindle or paperback

You Okay?

My grandson toddles toward the lonely playground. He’s eighteen months old and this morning, his sights are fixed on the metal swing set. 

I watch his precarious baby steps as he navigates the gravel path. Best that I stay within arm’s reach in case Grandson falls. Sure enough, he stumbles.

“You’re okay. I got you!” 

I grasp his outstretched hand before his knees scrape the ground. Then, I lead him by the hand while we walk to the swing set.

After I settle on the swing, I lift Grandson to  my lap and wrap my arm around his waist. He leans back, fearless and content as we swing higher and faster.

This child trusts me with his safety. No whining or wiggling to suggest he’d rather be anywhere but here. Ohh, to be a carefree child!

Throughout my life, I’ve seen the Lord’s mercies. He repeatedly rescues me from danger and cushions my falls. So I know his eye is on me, and his Spirit guides me. But,

I want to trust God more. To be content with the here and now when life’s events feels like nettles in my socks.

Whenever I hear—pandemic, protests, politics—my body stiffens. I grumble about social distancing, quarantine, masks, my canceled appointments—hair today, denied tomorrow.

I raise my hands in protest rather than prayer.

This isn’t the summer vacation I bargained for. This isn’t the retired life I’d anticipated. This isn’t the lifestyle I’d envisioned for my grown children. I want to see my parents without fear of infecting them with COVID19!

Dad says, “Could be worse!”

Today is worse.

It’s nine a.m. and I’m drenched in sweat as the mercury in my outdoor thermometer inches toward a hundred. I can tolerate the heat, but rolling power outages and Red Flag Warnings (to evacuate our home) are in effect while the not-so-distant wildfires paint the sky ash grey. Yesterday, the foothills looked like they were puffing a cigarette. Today, they’re a chain-smoker.

I inhale deep, before the winds shift south and the air smells like a stale smoking lounge. I worry for the firefighters. I ponder what I’d do if my house burned down.

My body is swinging in the breeze, but my disposition is teetering on the edge of a miry pit. God intervenes like the doting Father that he is.

“Karen, you’re okay. I got you.”

I want to believe you, Lord, but…. 

From where I stand on planet earth, it feels like you’ve abandoned your creation. Not that I’d blame you. A time out, with our noses on the wall, might do everyone some good. But right now, I’m not feeling okay. 

God knows me. And yes, he is patient. He brings to mind what my mentor, Loretta, has told me repeatedly. The eternal perspective that has pulled me up by the boot straps on more than one occasion, and helped me forge ahead by God’s grace. 

She’d point to the pandemic, the wildfires and the nettles in my socks and tell me, 

“Every circumstance is an opportunity for God to teach and change us.” 

Change us? How?

To become more like Christ—more loving, compassionate, kind, patient, forgiving, willing to serve, prayerful.

I inwardly squirm. “I don’t want to learn these lessons the hard way. Can’t I sit in my recliner and read the Bible and be changed?”

My grandson points to the sky, bringing me back to this sweet spot.

I follow his wide-eyed gaze.

“That’s a Red-Tail Hawk,” I tell him. “Birds use thermals to soar without flapping their wings.”

My grandson isn’t old enough to comprehend everything I say, but he’s taking it all in—his surroundings, my words, the tone of my voice, my actions. He’s getting to know me as well as life.

Spending time with someone will do that, you know. 

Grandson scoots off my lap and heads for the tall metal slide. He’s been there before. And he’s not afraid. He knows that grandma will be right beside him. 

 That’s a God lesson . . . even in this!