It’s been over a week since I called 911 to report my children missing. Previous What If? blog shows the ending.
My kids quickly put the river rafting trip behind them. Not I. Here’s the rest of the story….
How can I explain, without sounding neurotic, how my stomach tightened into a knot after I dropped them off at the river that day? Or the second-guessing panic that drove me to the regional park, hoping to watch my children float by in their raft.
While I waited in the empty parking lot, a young couple sat in the shade, watching their son ride his bike. Safety helmet on his head, training wheels removed from his bike for the first time. It was a milestone in his life.
I applauded his success and told the parents. “Wait till your son is driving a car!”
Glanced at my watch, remembering the last words to my teenage son.
“Keep your life vest on!”
A mom’s measly attempt to control a favorable outcome.
BUT I’M NOT IN CONTROL. My teenage son is past the age I can sit in the shade, watching his every move.
And I don’t know how to let go…of the fear.
Waiting dredged up morbid thoughts. I returned to my campsite and lounged by the lake. Whenever a fearful thought popped into my head…BAM! I hammered it down like those alligator heads in an arcade game.
And then I prayed. Captured the fearful what ifs creeping up my neck, each nagging thought, my lack of control, and “cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me.” (1Peter 5:7)
You know it all, Father. You’re the sovereign God. You love my children, and you know “the days that were ordained for them, when as yet there was not one of them.” (Psalm 139:16)
“You will not fail them nor forsake them.” (Deuteronomy 31:6) No matter what happens. I choose to trust you even in this.
Hawks circled overhead, weeds rustled in the warm breeze. The knot in my gut loosened as my “mind dwelled on whatever is excellent and praiseworthy.” (Philippians 4:8)
For three hours, I “sat in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1)
Not knowing I’d dial 911 before the sun set.
But by then, my prayers, and God’s promises, had prepared my heart.
Like the boy who rode his bike without training wheels, I was confident and better able to let go of the fear.
And carry on……..
Because I knew I was not alone.
And neither were they.
8 thoughts on “How to Let Go of the Fear?”
Thank you, Karen. Even though my kids do not live with me, and they have kids of their own, I still have to trust God to take care of them, especially when they are mountain biking. Their pictures on FB are enough to bring any mother to her knees.
Met with a friend today. She told me Elizabeth Elliot said, What ifs is the forecasting of grief. I have to train myself not to go there!
Wow, that’s amazing, Karen. I’m so glad you shared “the rest of the story.” (I can’t help it, I’m hearing Paul Harvey in the background.) Kids are wonderful opportunities for learning how to trust in God and not worry, aren’t they? 🙂
Yes, I wish Rebecca in Genesis, had written a blog….How she felt after she helped her son Jacob deceive her husband Isaac. Then she had to send Jacob away to protect him from Esau. She never saw Jacob again as far as we know. Although God’s sovereign plan worked in that situation…creating the twelve tribes of Israel..I do wonder how Rebecca trusted God for the outcome.
What an interesting thought – or how guilty she must have felt (at least I would have felt guilty). That sounds like a great title for a blog post: If Only Rebecca Had Had a Blog – I agree, I wish she had!
These words capture the emotions so well Karen! Thanks for putting in writing what so many of us struggle with, more often than we care to admit. God is sovereign, and trusting Him is the only way to live in this world.
What’s the other option? Bend or break, right! That’s why I took the photograph of the weeds/grass blowing in the wind. Just going with the flow!
It’s a feeling we all know well and a feeling Jesus must have felt in the GARDEN.
I think that’s why there are so many verses in the Bible about Fear and
As with every loved one in our lives and even our walk with God – Everything is under His control
Our only power is through Jesus and we can prayer for the power of His Protection
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