Category: Uncategorized

What Does the Future Hold?

IMG_6108My Christmas tree, an Evergreen symbol of eternal life, stands stripped of its color and lights. Waits to be thrown away like last week’s used gift-wrap.

I pinch the needles, still soft and green. Run my fingers like a comb through strands of silver tinsel clinging to its branches. Pine scent lingers, but the Christmas gifts are gone.

Refrigerator shelves, once crowded with a feast, look bare.

Cookie platter has nothing left but crumbs.

And the living room, where guests sang carols, is filled with empty chairs.

Christmas has come and gone. All gone, like 2012.

A melancholy sigh escapes my lips.

All gone, except the dust and piles of dirty laundry.

Why does the Creche on the mantel suddenly seem out of place? God’s gift to the world is no less real just because it’s New Year’s Day.

Move Baby Jesus to a storage bin, toss the Christmas tree outside. Dust the mantel, vacuum pine needles, put tangled lights into a pile.

Christmas time is gone.

Even the stores have moved on. Their shelves once stocked with candy canes, now display pink heart-shaped candy.

Winter rain will come, perhaps it will even snow.

But today the sun is shining so my dismal mood must go.

Daylight stretches longer, beckoning more warmth.

And dormant bulbs beneath a cold, hard ground, are scheduled to appear when the Groundhog comes to town. Will he see his shadow?

The good Lord only knows.

Till then, I …

Peruse mental snap shots of  family far and near; and the extraordinary “in laws” we met two weeks shy of the new year.

I remember forever friends, new friends discovered, and the kindness of strangers who once crossed my path.

A new calendar hangs on my wall, twelve months of the unknown. For example, who knew this time last year, the abundant blessings God had in store? Who could predict ill health, tears wept, and painful losses that made me shout, ‘no more!’

I glance through last year’s journal to read from whence I came. Reminders I can trust the Lord to walk with me through the coming days.

God is present and He loves me…whatever 2013 holds.

“I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,

with thee, O Father, as my harbour,

           thee, O Son, at my helm,

           thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.”

Puritan Prayer from The Valley of Vision

Ears to Hear

My daughter, the bride, had been gone all day shopping for her wedding when I text-ed her from home: “Be sure to Stop and Eat.”

She returned my text: “How did you know?”

I replied, “Because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

IMG_5693Since Thanksgiving, wedding plans in addition to getting ready for Christmas and out-of-town guests, made me feel like Santa who’s “making a list and checking it twice.” Only the list never seemed to end.

I had to make myself STOP and FEAST on God’s Word. With my soul fed, I was able to continue the race for one more day. I admit my running took greater priority as the month wore on, but still, I’d attempt to grab a morsel of scripture, breathe a prayer.

My husband calls me a Jack Russell Terrier. Like those dogs, my personality leans towards hyper when I have an agenda. When I take the time to “Be still” and sit at my Master’s feet, I’m calm, but only momentarily. The doorbell rings, and I’m running and yapping again.

Knowing I would get overwhelmed, hosting a wedding and Christmas dinner within three days of each other, I did not want to be a Jack Russell Terrier. I prayed to have “the mind of Christ,” to be loving, kind, humble, have a servant’s heart.

I even embraced the advice of a Safeway clerk who told me “major on the majors and minor on the minors.”

“People won’t remember what you served for dinner,” she said, as she handed me a two-foot grocery receipt. “They’ll remember being together, and how you welcomed them into your home.”

She was right.

The wedding day was beautiful beyond words even for this author, but by Christmas day, I was running on empty. I could only “major on the majors.”

Whenever my pride pointed out my shortcomings, minor things became major in my head which led to fear of what others thought about me.

Pride and fear are NOT the “mind of Christ.”

So instead of listening to the tape of accusations in my head, I asked God to breathe for me and listened to the …

Laughter in the room as the bride and groom’s two families became one.

Twelve voices singing  carols to celebrate our Lord’s birth.

Spoken prayers and stories shared.

Love and joy fill the air.

By God granting me ears to hear, the Jack Russell Terrier within me remained more calm even in this.

“He keeps in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusts in thee.” Isaiah 26:3

Stuck in Self-Condemnation?

Three women, two inmates and I, sit around a metal table in jail. Heads bowed, we momentarily take our eyes off ourselves and seek the Lord.

We each thank the Lord aloud for specific blessings in our lives rather than ask for more.

Voices soften, noses sniffle as we mention the good in our lives;

Acknowledge God is good.

After the last Amen, I gaze at two women’s faces, once forlorn, now radiant from meeting with the Lord.

Women forgiven, now able to “go in peace” like the woman sinner who bathed Jesus’ feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and anointed His feet with perfume. (Luke 7:36-50)

Prior to those prayers, we had discussed our struggle with sin.

“For that which I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15)

We discussed being broken.

“Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?” (Romans 7:24)

We discussed salvation that only comes “through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 7:25)

However, knowing God’s Word and owning it are two different things.

“I’m a Christian, but I keep beating myself up,” the inmate said, “because I know better, but I keep sinning.”

Just like the “wretched man.”

But unlike the Apostle Paul, this female inmate was stuck in self-condemnation. Like a fly caught in a spider’s web, she squirmed through self-effort to free herself from guilt and shame, powerless to escape.

I’ve been stuck there too.

What to do?

Return to God’s Word: Truth takes precedent over human emotions or understanding.

Claim the facts:  “If we confess our sins He is faithful, and willing to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Trust God’s character: “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved).” (Ephesians 2:4,5)

Rejoice knowing: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” (Romans 8:1)

And because we can rejoice in the Lord even as we sit in a county jail, we bowed our heads in Thanks giving.

Does a Broken Spirit Hurt?

  I’m done!” I fussed. “I refuse to plant something else in that hole!”

Those angry words, along with the memory of my husband and daughter chopping down my Japanese maple, were like television re-runs in my head a week after the fact (previous blog).

I’d confessed my sin before God and apologized to my family for my emotional outburst, but I’d rewind the tape, stuck in self condemnation.

I knew I was forgiven, but the weight of sin and my inability to walk in a manner worthy of Christ held me captive.

When I shared my sorrow with others, I was told to lighten up. “You’re justified in your anger. I’d be furious too.”

Perhaps, but God used that felled tree to prune my heart and rip out the root of bitterness  that had been growing inside of me long before that autumn day.

And the process was painful.

Not unlike a broken bone whose fracture has to be re-aligned in order to heal properly.

The image of wearing sackcloth and covering my head in ashes as a sign of repentance became a Biblical truth that finally went from my head to my heart. And left me …

Broken.

Which isn’t a spiritually bad place to be.

Because Psalm 51:17 says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

For that’s when spiritual transformation and healing begins.

Because the Lord “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Not unlike the sinful woman who brought an alabaster jar of perfume to a Pharisee’s house where Jesus was dining. “And she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them…Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” (Luke 7:36-50).

As God restored to me the joy of His salvation, I longed to be like that woman and show my adoration towards Christ who forgives sin and tells me to “go in peace.”

Instead of pouring perfume on His feet, I erased the tape of re-runs in my head.

And where the Japanese maple once stood in my yard, I ate my words and planted a fragrant Italian Cypress.

Ever green; ever a reminder that even in this situation,

Beauty can rise from ashes and mourning turn to joy

When Christ is allowed to be the Gardener of my soul.

Frightened of Sin?

Halloween is this week: Television stations air scary movies. Businesses decorate with cobwebs and spiders. Kids dress up like ghoulish monsters.

When I asked my family what frightens them, my husband responded: “You.”

I don’t blame him.

Last week, our family was working in the yard. I was in good spirits, shoveling gravel with my teenage son and my daughter’s boyfriend. Then I turned around and saw my twelve-year-old Japanese maple lying on the ground. My husband and daughter thought the tree was too close to our house and chopped it down.

Steam didn’t come from my ears, but profanity spewed from my lips. My face didn’t turn red, but if looks could have killed…

Throwing my rake on the ground, I blasted them with my words like bullets from a Tommy gun, and ran away in tears.

Even Jonah from the Bible could not have been more outraged when God appointed a worm and wind to destroy his shade tree.

Why the public confession?

Because a butchered tree may be upsetting, but it does not excuse an ungodly response.

My family apologized profusely; they had no idea. And before the sun set on my anger, I asked them to forgive me. We laugh about my crazed behavior.

But sin is no laughing matter.

It frightens me to know sin lingers in my heart, waiting for an opportune moment to rear itself.

“For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander” (Matthew 15:19).

Isn’t it easy to walk in the Spirit instead of the flesh when there’s no agitation? But add a pinch of stress, a pound of unmet expectations, or a felled tree and suddenly I’m staring at my flawed humanity.

My hope: “If we confess our sin, God is faithful and willing to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  (1 John 1:9).

My consolation: “Karen (my emphasis) was washed clean (purified by a complete atonement for sin and made free from the guilt of sin), and Karen was consecrated (set apart, hallowed), and Karen was justified (pronounced righteous, by trusting) in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Holy Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11, Amplified version).

My assurance: God uses even this…a felled Japanese maple…to teach me I’m a work in progress, relying on His grace.