How to Cope with Pain – Page 5

Thankful I Don’t Have

Although I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, I also praise God for the many things I don’t have:

Terminal illness

Delinquent child

Empty food pantry

Rat eating my kitchen pipes…like a year ago

Some readers may be dealing with these issues, or worse. So forgive me if I step on toes. And yet, when I’m trudging through the messy circumstances of life, I believe….God’s grace pads my life in ways I can’t imagine.

Crises diverted. Grief avoided. Unspoken prayers favorably answered without my knowledge.

Doesn’t God deserve gratitude for covert blessings too?

During imperfect days, sprinkled with more discomfort than joy, it’s natural to grumble, “Why me, Lord?” Then I hear the news, or receive a prayer request, and realize the multitude of evil and sorrow that God spares me from each day.

My perspective changed back in the day, when my five-year-old son fell from the Monkey Bars. While I kissed the bruised bump on his head, he whimpered, “Why did God let me fall?”

I responded, “Let’s thank God you don’t have a broken neck.”

It’s not just viewing a half-empty cup as half-full. It’s naming names.

Praising God that I have good health doesn’t have the same powerful imagery as thanking Him that I don’t have breast cancer when my mammogram comes back normal.

That’s because I remember driving my bald-headed friend to her chemotherapy appointment. I listened to her miserable groans afterwards. I’m thankful I still have my friend.

I’m also thankful I don’t have to walk in her shoes…at least, for the time being. But even then, God willing, I’d be glad I didn’t have to go through cancer alone.

Three weeks ago, I sprained my ankle. No big deal comparatively speaking, but rotten timing. I was scheduled to travel in two days to visit my daughter. As I lay on the floor, wreathing in pain, I wailed, “No! How will I drive to the airport? How will I get from my parked car to the terminal gate?

I hobbled to my couch, placed an ice pack on my elevated ankle. The more I mused on my clumsiness and misfortune, the more gratitude bubbled and spilled over, soothing my taunt nerves.

Thank you Lord, I don’t have a broken ankle. As I massaged my bruised hip, I sighed, “I’m not a spring chicken. Thank you, Lord, I don’t have a broken hip bone.

A positive spin weaves threads of have and have not into a tapestry of thanksgiving. And gratitude enables us to look at life like a two-sided coin:

The blessings we have,

The battles we don’t have to wage in this moment.

It’s a win-win~~no matter how the coin lands.

What are you thankful for that you don’t have?

Slippery When Wet

I knew a woman whose mother committed suicide. As she packed up her deceased mother’s belongings, a friend came to assist her. The friend never said a word because in that moment, her presence and help said everything.

I try to follow her example whenever someone is grieving or distressed. But alas, in my desperation to make that person feel better and know that I care, I probably say too much or the wrong thing particularly if I haven’t walked in their shoes.

Have you noticed? Life is Slippery when Wet.

And folks saying “every cloud has a silver lining” or “look on the bright side” doesn’t make me feel dry or safe when I’m in the midst of a thunderstorm.

In fact, when I’m hurting…emotionally or physically…my first inclination isn’t to look for the greater good even though I believe Romans 8:28-30 to be true.

Some of those slippery paths have included:

· Three miscarriages

· A husband deployed during Desert Storm

· A newborn son hospitalized

· Family members with chronic health problems.

In hindsight, the intensity and duration of each storm strengthened my relationship with the Lord. They also enabled me to empathize and encourage others.

Even so, I can’t presume to know how others feel.

I’m no longer in that place and depending on where I stand, my perspective changes.

For when I’m standing at a cross road~~fearful of the unknown, worried I’ll make the wrong decision~~the last thing I want to hear is, “Don’t worry. Everything will be alright!”

Walking across a wooden bridge, slick from rain, is more daunting than standing beside the bridge with both feet on the ground. So I don’t want someone shouting from a safe distance, “Things could be worse. Don’t be afraid!”

A young woman whose military husband was deployed overseas told me, “People say they’re praying for me. They quote Bible verses. I know they mean well and I’m thankful. But telling me to think positive, doesn’t help. My situation stinks! Acknowledge my pain. Don’t be afraid to let me cry.”

Her words hit home because I’ve been there…..slip sliding through life. And frankly, there’s nothing like a good cry to release the pain.

James 1:19 says, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak…”

Slow to speak shallow, trite, or patronizing words when someone else is hurting.

How do you want people to respond when you’re in pain?

What has helped you in the difficult times?

The Last Time

School is over. My son, my youngest child, graduates from high school next week.

As I spread mayonnaise onto a piece of bread, I realize this is the last sandwich I’ll make for my son to eat at school. No more brown-bag lunches filled with sandwiches, chips, and sliced apple.

Only the Lord knows how many hundreds of school lunches I’ve prepared when I multiply them by three children. My son offered to make his lunch, but years of habit evolved into my morning ritual.

Last evening, I attended our last High School choir concert. While my eyes were fixed on my son’s clean-shaven face, I remembered another concert years ago. The elementary-aged children held battery-operated candles as they sang. Well, most children held them. My third-grade son used his candle to sword fight with the boy next to him.

Today my son’s strong body towers over me. His deep voice is reminiscent of a Bass Cello. I love to hear him sing. So when the choir sang the last note in the last song of his last concert, tears clouded my vision.

My son isn’t obsessed with last moments. He’s ready to raise anchor and leave shore, bound for new horizons. I’m excited for him, but this melancholy mom cradles last moments.

What emotions swept over Jesus when he ate the last Passover Meal with his disciples?

Jesus knew it was their Last Supper. “The time has come for me, the Son of Man, to enter into my glory….Dear children, how brief are these moments before I must go away and leave you!” (John 13:31-33)

Although Jesus had warned his disciples this day would come, they panicked:

“Lord, where are you going?”

“Why can’t I come now, Lord?”

“We haven’t any idea where you are going…”

It may have been their Last Supper, but it wasn’t the end of their relationship with Jesus.

“Don’t be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” (John 14:1-3)

For three days, the disciples were derailed by their circumstances…the trial and death of Jesus. They ran and hid. Peter denied knowing Christ. They might have lost all hope for tomorrow if not for Jesus’ words. “You have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.” (John 16:22)

True to His word, Christ was resurrected and appeared to them before he left them and was taken up to heaven. And his disciples were “filled with great joy.”

Likewise, our sorrowful moments…even the last ones…can become joyful when we trust Jesus and keep our eyes on Him.

Which Heart Do You Want?

According to my husband, we have smoke detectors in our house so we’ll know when our food is done. Don’t believe me?

Ask my teenage son who burned bacon in the frying pan. The good news is that he learned our smoke detectors work properly, and they’re loud.

I wasn’t home at the time. Hoping to get rid of the burnt smell, my son turned on the ceiling fans and lit scented candles. I’ve done the same thing.

Besides, who am I to point a spatula at my son?

I’ve scraped my share of burnt egg whites and stiff yokes off the ceiling because the water boiled away and the eggs exploded. Talk about a nasty stench.

Last week, I put two cups of water and a half a cup of sugar in a pan and turned on the stove. Normally, the sugar dissolves in the hot water and becomes hummingbird food.

Then again, if “the cook” leaves the kitchen to put a load of laundry into the dryer and forgets about the sugar water boiling on the stove….She’ll find a lump of rock candy bubbling on the bottom of the pan.

The good news is that it cooled and hardened into a heart, sweet enough to lick.

So I whipped together another batch of sugar water. Only this time, I waited near the stove and stirred the liquid while I pondered my rock-hard, heart-shaped candy.

Fact: I’m a happy person when Life is sweet. But when the Lord turns up the heat and allows trials to permeate my life … How do I respond, especially towards the Lord?

ØDraw near the Lord with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, knowing God uses trials to achieve His eternal purposes?

“These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold.” (1 Peter 1:7)

ØTurn Away from the Lord, allowing pride and/or unbelief to harden my heart and test God’s patience?

“Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, as long as it is called ‘today’, so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God.” (Hebrews 3: 12, 13)

As I poured the homemade nectar into my hummingbird feeder, I prayed for a heart that would never grow cold or hard towards the God of my salvation.

“Search me O God, and know my heart; … point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23–24).

How do you respond when hard times come?

When It’s Enough

The woman passed away yesterday.

While I vacuumed pine needles off the floor, debated whether to take down the Christmas tree because it’s hard to let go of things we love.

The frail woman, though surrounded by loved ones had to let go.

One last breath, and her eternal soul flew into the arms of Jesus.

While I, not knowing she was gone, stripped sheets off my guest bed,

And breathed in the lingering scent of my grown son who had returned to his own home.

I LOATHE goodbyes though my heart says, “We’ll be together again.”

When I heard the woman was “walking streets of gold,”

My heart was heavy.

Like it was on New Year’s Eve when I watched my grown son walk away into the airport.

I longed to run after him for one more hug.

Another chance to say I love you.

Even though we know how much we love each other.

Driving home from the airport, I thought about the day before, when we put together a puzzle.

Holiday movies were background noise.

Bowls of half-eaten Chex Mix, and empty candy wrappers sat on the table.

My pants snug.

I placed the last piece into the jigsaw puzzle and declared, “It is finished!”

And a voice within me groaned, “ENOUGH!”

As much as I love the holiday season … family, food, fun … I was ready for routine.

Perhaps the woman was ready.

As much as she loved her family and friends, wanted to celebrate life on Earth one more day,

Perhaps, she’d had “Enough!”

Enough of the endless

Physical pain, medical appointments, hospital visits.

Enough disappointment

As she hung to a thread of hope she’d be restored to good health.

Enough sorrow

To let go and leave behind….

Her favorite things and the precious people she loved.

And be with her Beloved Jesus,

Who “will wipe every tear from their eyes….no more death, mourning, crying or pain.” (Revelation 21:4)

Today, my Christmas tree comes down.

It’s been up long enough.

I’ll wrap:

A newly-wed couple’s first hand-blown ornaments, faded with age.

Baby’s first Christmas,

A toddler’s photo glued to a felt star

Ceramic candy canes painted by children now grown and gone.

I’ll say goodbye and put them away until …

I was going to say, “Next Christmas.”

But who knows what a year from now brings.

I ONLY KNOW THAT I KNOW THERE’S A HEAVEN.

One day, I’ll be there with the woman,

I never met,

Whom I grew to love,

Because I prayed for her last year.

Together, we’ll be in HEAVEN

Where Saints meet and re-unite.

AND WE CAN NEVER, EVER, GET ENOUGH OF JESUS.

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