My Mistake

 Cat lovers know there’s nothing like snuggling with a soft, purring feline. Unless that feline is a feral cat like mine in which case, snuggle is not in their dictionary.

 My son, who was eight at the time, chose her from a litter of free kittens at the post office. While the other kittens slept, she romped and batted my son’s index finger with her paw. “I want that one,. She’s feisty.”  

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He called the kitten Target because there was a white ring on the side of her grey fur. But soon, we called her Mistake. She did not want to be held. She hid under furniture, preferred the outdoors. Never purred. My son’s interest waned. So for ten years, I’ve been the caregiver for a cat that could care less I exist.

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Sometimes Mistake jumps into my lap while I’m sitting outside, but her rule is “hands off” which is why today was a marvel.

A clear blue sky, oak leaves rustling in the summer breeze, made for a lazy day. My hammock beckoned me…rest. So I did, and felt my eyelids grow heavy.

Hammock

That’s when Mistake brushed the edges of the hammock with her tail, pestered me with her meowing. I assumed she was hungry and fetched canned cat food. When I returned, Mistake was prowling for field mice.

Here, Kitty, Kitty!”

Like a mother coaxing her toddler to eat, I walked towards Mistake waving the bowl, purring words of affection. She turned away, showing me her plump, grey haunches. I set the bowl on the grass, hoping she’d venture over to eat. Instead Mistake shunned my offering as though it belonged to Cain, and walked away.

Wasps circled the dish and dove in to eat. I grumbled. “Be that way! I’ll let the wasps have your food.”

Is that how Jesus felt when he came to the Israelites? He was their Messiah. He offered them eternal life, abundant life, but the nation refused to acknowledge Jesus as the Son of God. So He invited the Gentiles, who were detested among the Israelites, to come and eat the Bread of Life.  (Luke 13:34, Matthew 15: 21-28)

Okay, maybe the spiritual lesson behind my cat story is a stretch. But that honestly went through my mind as I begged my self-satisfied cat to come to me.  I sank back into the hammock.

Meow! Meow!”

Mistake had returned. She put her paws on the hammock and stretched towards me. I helped her up, expecting her to push away from me. Instead, Mistake rubbed her head on my chest, kneaded my forearm with her paws, and curled up on my stomach. Was this the same cat?

I guess you can’t force relationship on cats, or people. Even God knows there’s the fullness of time before some folks seek Him.  Meanwhile, God is patient, waiting for individuals to heed the Divine call and follow Him.

Mistake and I dozed in the shade of the tree until she decided enough was enough. Perhaps I was too lumpy or she needed her space.

My coral t-shirt was covered in grey cat hair and burrs, but I remembered why I love cats.

This sinner saved by grace is grateful the Lord never calls me a Mistake. His love and mercy endures forever, even when I’m faithless and can’t sit still like my feral cat.

Martha or Messiah?

There are words written in pastel chalk on the cement leading to my front door. Drawn at the brink of our family celebration, the words became a welcome mat acknowledging my son’s high school graduation, my parent’s 60th anniversary.

“Congratulations!” “Welcome to California!”

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 Chalk words that gladdened hearts now fade in the summer sun. The family members we welcomed have gone.

I mop the kitchen floor, erasing dusty footprints and sticky crumbs where people gathered to eat and laugh. Now the only reminders of my guests are photographs nailed to the refrigerator with magnets. Moments captured. Smiling faces preserved on matted paper.

Has it only been a week since I felt my eldest son’s strong embrace, smelled the fresh scent of my daughter’s hair, listened to the voices of my parents who have loved me well?

While they were here, I cooked, served, and smiled. I rose before dawn like the woman in Proverbs and saw to the needs of my household. Adrenaline, and love for them, kept me going till the midnight hour.

The family called me Martha (woman mentioned in the Gospels). They urged me to sit still and rest. But I’m wired to be a Martha…catering to other people’s needs.

Did you sleep well? Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?

Are you hot or cold? Need a pillow for your head?

How can I encourage you, pray for you? Make you feel loved?

I don’t mind being a Martha, but in assuming to meet their every need, do I act like their Messiah?

·  Do I urge them to rely on Jesus, or depend on me when there’s a problem and decision to be made?

· Do I mislead when I share what I think is best, or encourage them to consult and obey God’s Word?

“But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

Some days, I balk at being Martha when I think of what Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things…” (Luke 10:41)

Then I read His Word, “Jesus loved Martha….” (John 11:5) And I’m reminded He loves me too even when I’m worried and distracted by many things.

I know Jesus loves me because even in this….aftermath of celebration…He’s teaching me that a Martha can best serve her family’s needs by letting go, and leading them to Jesus.

Unlike the chalk words on my cement, HIS Word never fades away.

  

What Reputation Precedes You?

Wearing a navy blue cap and gown, my son strutted across the stage to receive his high school diploma last week. All I could see through misty eyes was a bundle of joy wrapped in a blue blanket that lay in my arms eighteen years earlier.

Memory is a marvelous thing.

And yet, there are things I wish I could forget. The pain I’ve caused others, grievances I’ve harbored against someone who hurt me or mine.

Memories… good and bad…appeared in my mind’s eye when other graduate names were announced that evening. Their reputation, some tarnished by previous poor choices, accompanied them. And because I fail to forget….my impression of some students has remained skewed.

“Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are,” said Henry H. Aunderson.

Even if it’s not true, excellent, or worthy of praise.

“Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep ’til noon.” ~~Mark Twain.

Who do people think I am, if they think of me at all? What is the reputation that precedes me? I cower to think my flaws and my past define me.   

Praise God for His tender mercies that are new every morning.

Praise God, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving kindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us….” Psalm 103:10-12

By God’s grace, may I learn to see people through my Benevolent Heavenly Father’s eyes so I can Forgive and FORGET.

The Last Time

School is over. My son, my youngest child, graduates from high school next week.

As I spread mayonnaise onto a piece of bread, I realize this is the last sandwich I’ll make for my son to eat at school.  No more brown-bag lunches filled with sandwiches, chips, and sliced apple.

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Only the Lord knows how many hundreds of school lunches I’ve prepared when I multiply them by three children. My son offered to make his lunch, but years of habit evolved into my morning ritual.

Last evening, I attended our last High School choir concert. While my eyes were fixed on my son’s clean-shaven face, I remembered another concert years ago. The elementary-aged children held battery-operated candles as they sang. Well, most children held them. My third-grade son used his candle to sword fight with the boy next to him.

Today my son’s strong body towers over me. His deep voice is reminiscent of a Bass Cello. I love to hear him sing. So when the choir sang the last note in the last song of his last concert, tears clouded my vision.

My son isn’t obsessed with last moments. He’s ready to raise anchor and leave shore, bound for new horizons. I’m excited for him, but this melancholy mom cradles last moments.   

What emotions swept over Jesus when he ate the last Passover Meal with his disciples?

Jesus knew it was their Last Supper. “The time has come for me, the Son of Man, to enter into my glory….Dear children, how brief are these moments before I must go away and leave you!” (John 13:31-33)

Although Jesus had warned his disciples this day would come, they panicked:

“Lord, where are you going?”

“Why can’t I come now, Lord?”

“We haven’t any idea where you are going…”

It may have been their Last Supper, but it wasn’t the end of their relationship with Jesus.

 “Don’t be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” (John 14:1-3)

For three days, the disciples were derailed by their circumstances…the trial and death of Jesus. They ran and hid. Peter denied knowing Christ. They might have lost all hope for tomorrow if not for Jesus’ words.  “You have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.” (John 16:22)  

True to His word, Christ was resurrected and appeared to them before he left them and was taken up to heaven. And his disciples were “filled with great joy.”

Likewise, our sorrowful moments…even the last ones…can become joyful when we trust Jesus and keep our eyes on Him. 

Mother May I?

“What do you want for Mother’s Day?”

In my household that means, “Do you want to eat out?” “Shall we buy you something?”

Too many people dine out that day. I’d rather not wait for a table. And I feel bad for moms who work as a waitress on Mother’s Day.

And nothing compares to the gifts my children made for me during their childhood years. My office is a museum of their arts and crafts. A hand-painted picture frame, a pencil holder made from a clay pot, a laminated card decorated with torn, colored construction paper.

Now, an act of service is my love language. Last year, my husband and teenage son spread shredded cedar in my flower beds. I was a happy mom! If my son chose to clean his closet, that could count as three Mother’s Day gifts. Dream on.

This Mother’s Day, I’ve decided to rest. I got the idea from my feline. She slept in the sun last week, oblivious to the activity around her.  Wouldn’t it be lovely to rest without a care? To do nothing, without guilt?

Don’t know that I can.

Unless I’m productive it’s not a good day. Even my reading a book, or a friendly phone call, seems like an accomplishment. God knows this about me. He’s given numerous scripture on my need for rest on multiple levels.

Sabbath Rest, rest from labor, resting in the Lord, rest for our souls, rest for the weary, entering God’s rest….

“This is what the Lord says … ‘ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’” (Jeremiah 6:16)

Hello, Karen? Which part of rest don’t you understand?

Remember the child’s game, Mother May I? I’m told to do something by the leader, but first I must ask permission or I’m out of the game. The Lord’s Word tells me to rest. But unlike the game, I don’t have to say, “Father May I?” before proceeding.

God has given me permission. He invites me to enter His rest. He commands me to rest.  

It’s time I believe God’s Word and permit myself to rest.

Not only this Mother’s Day, but each Sunday as well.